Understanding Coping Mechanisms: The Mascot and the Clown

Exploring Childhood Trauma Responses

In my first post, we discussed various coping mechanisms that arise from growing up in less-than-ideal circumstances or experiencing trauma. In this blog, I will explain two significant coping mechanisms: the mascot and the clown.

Children raised in alcoholic or dysfunctional families often adopt these coping skills to alleviate the pain caused by chaos.

The Mascot

The mascot is the family member who tries to defuse tension and dysfunction by drawing attention to themselves. They are often daredevils, troublemakers, and always seem to be "up to something."

These children are frequently misunderstood as mere troublemakers. However, a deeper look reveals that the family itself is deeply troubled. Take, for example, a young boy named Erik. He set fires in fields and abandoned buildings. For this behavior, he faced discipline and even spent time before a youth court justice. He was sent to psychiatrists, but the results were puzzling. Erik was not an antisocial boy; he was social, had friends, and excelled in school. His family was well-regarded in the community, and everything appeared perfect.

Yet, therein lies the issue: the family was almost too perfect! A social worker began to investigate further and noticed bruising on one of Erik's sisters and some unexplained absences from work. When Erik's friends were questioned, they mentioned they were never invited to his house because his mom did not want any visitors. Instead, Erik spent time at his friends' homes.

The social worker decided to re-interview Erik's parents and siblings. From the drawings of his young sister and her discomfort during the interview, a darker picture emerged. Erik's father, a psychiatrist, had become addicted to narcotics, which he prescribed for himself. Erik's little sister described her father as often sleeping on the floor and getting angry with their mother. He would yell and storm out of the house. Erik's sister was afraid of him, particularly his outbursts. She noted that sometimes he was "really nice" and would take them on enjoyable trips, but he did not attend her school events.

She described Erik as the one who always got in trouble. "When he gets in trouble, Mom and Dad get really mad, and Dad had to write letters and go to court to help Erik come home." She paused and added, "Everybody worries about Erik."

This was the clue the social worker had sought. Erik's behaviors provided a reprieve from the chaos of his home. His father would not abuse drugs when Erik was in trouble. Instead, he would focus on Erik and not yell at his mother or hit his daughters.

Mascots or troublemakers, in many ways, are like rodeo clowns who distract the bulls or broncos away from the fallen cowboy. This distraction saves lives! In dysfunctional families, where the dysfunction is hidden, the family mascot or troublemaker draws all attention to themselves. This forces their dysfunctional parents to step away from their problems and focus on the mascot.

The mascot is usually boisterous and talented, possessing many skills that draw attention. They can be excellent students, actors, or athletes. They serve to further mask the family's dysfunction by presenting it in a jovial light. They seem to have an answer for everything.

Healing the Mascot

When individuals like Erik enter the workplace, they often continue to be mascots for colleagues who may be late or have other problems. They detract from and hide these issues. They do the same in their marriages, often ignoring serious problems until it is too late. The mascot needs to develop the courage to face real issues rather than hide by trying to draw attention away from them.

The Clown

The clown copes with emotional trauma and distress in the family by making jokes about it. "Dad was drunk like a skunk; he even smelled like one!" They take very serious situations and find humor in them, even when none exists. This approach helps defuse tension.

Clowns are typically very popular at school. Their humor and antics mask deeper dysfunction occurring within the family.

The clown uses humor to distract from their emotions and responses. They essentially shut down emotionally. As adults, when faced with serious situations, they respond with inappropriate humor. They find it challenging to identify and express any emotional responses, especially in serious matters.

In marriages, if their spouse complains, they brush it off or make a joke. They often do not know how to feel. Typically, they seek couples counseling, citing communication issues. Invariably, one or both partners have a dysfunctional background where emotions were dismissed. They learned never to express their feelings or even recognize their emotions. Since communication in trauma-based households is primarily intellectual rather than emotional, couples often find themselves stuck. Sadly, they may separate, only to repeat the same mistakes.

The clown learns that they cannot express their true feelings because they would never be heard and would be dismissed. To defuse the pain of rejection or being ignored, they make a joke. The tension is alleviated, and everyone laughs, but like Pagliacci in the opera, the clown weeps inside.

Healing the Clown

The clown must learn when and how to express their feelings. They need to find a safe space for this expression. Therapy is often effective because it provides such a safe environment. Clowns must learn to acknowledge their sorrow and sadness, allowing these feelings rather than shutting them down with humor.

I have known therapists who, when clients explain their traumas, cannot process their own emotions and typically use humor or minimize the trauma. I sometimes recommend movies to the clown, allowing them to cry or experience pain in a safe environment. The ancient Greeks attended theater for this very reason, so my idea is far from original!

Conclusion

This concludes my series on typical trauma responses to dysfunctional or alcoholic families and how our coping mechanisms can affect our lives long after we are physically separated from the dysfunction. Understanding these mechanisms is crucial for healing and personal growth.