How people cope with trauma and hope at the end of the tunnel
Many if not all of my clients who are refugees have experienced profound trauma that cripples them. During my practice, I began to notice my clients exhibiting responses to mitigate the effects of the trauma such as working several jobs, socially isolated, fear of sleep due to nightmares.
Work, work, work
People who have lived through trauma can have painful flashbacks, where they relive the memories and these memories become so real that they can actually experience the pain anew.
When experiencing a flashback, the clients are often paralyzed with fear and their thoughts are focused on fleeing. Despite the high anxiety, the typical fight or flight is absent, it is replaced instead with another response to extreme stress which is to freeze.
In this mode or response one is simply not able to cope and you are trapped. In the case of traumatic memories, it is akin to being tied to a chair and forced to watch the scene over and over again.
Work offers some safety, insofar as there are tasks and other people. It enables them to realize where and who they are and thus the painful flashbacks are reduced in intensity. Of course working like this means we have no time to reflect, or engage with others.
I learned that people work in this way to actually avoid both people and nightmares. When I assist with these elements, their unblanced drive to work to the detriment of their health, becomes saner and more balanced.
Social isolation
The driving passion or belief system of those who have experienced trauma is to stay safe. They often have belief systems such as ´the world is evil’ or ´people cannot be trusted’
If the trauma occurred in childhood, this belief system is very difficult to overcome.
The result is that to protect themselves, very often they isolate themselves from others. Women who have been raped show a fear of nen or being trapped, people who have been kidnapped avoid situations when they are alone. They believe is safety in numbers.
The lack of trust means that even if they attend church services, or work functions, they will not engage and remain on the periphery. They feel ´safé as they are in control and they choose not to engage. The result is a crippling loneliness which leads to depression.
In my practice I have found a few places, one of which is a second hand store called Maison Marie Louise here in Ottawa, that welcomes my lonely clients, gives them volunteer work and encouragement. The joy and healing that this brings to my lonely isolated clients is beyond measure. They learn to trust as many of the volunteers are my clients who have similar experiences. They understand that they are not alone. Once they start to work full time, however, they must bid Maison Marie Louise farewell and with tears they do so.
The social isolation and depression is lifted and they can resume their work. They begin their day in thanksgiving, and end it in the same way. They realize they are not alone, that others love and understand them.
Nightmares
Many people understand the presence of nightmares to be memories that are badly placed, like 'lost' books in a bookshelf, the memories surface at the wrong time.
Yet nightmares, unlike flashbacks are different insofar as the memory of the event is slightly altered so that the sufferer awakes feeling guilty and hopeless, even if they were a hapless victim. It was the crippling guilt and feelings of abandonment that led me to a fascinating journey of discovery.
I questioned why the guilt, but one after another, my clients told me of the terrible guilt. They dream that they and they alone are reponsible for the massacres or shootings or rapes that occured in their homeland. I wondered why the memories were changed.
The memories typically remain intact during flashbacks, but the nightmares are different.
The Clues
When we are awake, we are vigilant and we understand it is a flashback and take the appropriate steps to enable us to realize that the flashback is not a reality. This is done by some in grounding techniques, or repeating a phrase. I have found prayer to be exceptionally effective.
When we are sleeping, we are not in a conscious position to stop them. In short we are very vulnerable.
However I was curious as to where did the guilt come from? I decided to experiment by using a specific nightime prayer called Compline which prays for protection as we sleep.
If I was correct that the guilt and changing of the memories had a spiritual origin (read diabolical), then this prayer would work. If not, then something else.
Compline worked! My clients reported that the nightmares disappeared and once again they could sleep. It was an entirely unexpected result but one that delights my clients. They do not need medication, or anything else other than this specific prayer which I found for them on You Tube. Some call it 'the music', but it is exceptionally effective.
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